There’s this girl online named Gemma Correll who draws pictures of cats and pugs and anxiety and stuff, and when I saw her illustrated map of an introvert’s heart I was like “Yep. It’s just like this.  Except add more twitter.”

Then I went on twitter and followed her and tried to send her a tweet…

…but spellcheck was like “‘Friends?’Nope.  I don’t think so.”  And I thought, “Am I spelling ‘friends’ wrong?” so I clicked on it and spellcheck was like, “Maybe you should look up ‘friends’ because you keep using that word and I don’t think it means what you think it means.”  

So then I was like, “Fine, spellcheck.  I don’t what your deal is but if it makes you happy I’ll look it up,” and spellcheck was like, “Great. Because it means this: It means you’re asking someone to like you who isn’t even related to you.”

…and I was like, “Yeah. I already knew that.  Why are you doing this?  I can have friends.”  And the spellcheck was like, “Yeah, you’re obviously not getting it.  Why don’t I give you some suggestions?…

…Did you maybe mean ‘fiends’?  Did you mean that you should be ‘fiends’ with this girl?   Because that That makes more sense.”  And I was like “WHAT IN THE SHIT ARE YOU IMPLYING?” and spellcheck was like, “Well, I just…I know you. And I’m trying to help.  Why don’t you just look up ‘fiends’ just in case?”  

And then I was like “Wow. Thanks, spellcheck.  I almost asked someone to be my friend when apparently what Ireally meant to say was, ‘Hey.  Love your work.  We should beTHE  DEVIL.’  Thanks for saving me from that near-catastrophe!”  And then spellcheck was like, “Whatever.  You don’t have to be sarcastic.  I was just trying to help you.”  And then I felt bad.  

And then I wrote this blog post and it’s basically one terrible run-on sentence but spell-check isn’t saying anything about it so I’m pretty sure that means spellcheck isn’t speaking to me anymore.  I think we’re in a fight and I suspect spellcheck is breaking up with me.  Hopefully we can still be friends fiends.

******************

And now, the weekly wrap-up of awesomeness:

Shit I made in my shop(Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

• I spent hours making this strange collage and I have no idea why but I like it but now it’s a shirt.Also available inblack.
• As requested, the perfect flask for communion if you’re in the Church of Bloggessianism.  Fill with wine, chocolate, gravy or whatever makes your day brighter.
Drawstring backpack with Hunter S. Thomcat.  I made this for my daughter but I’m stealing it to use as a book bag.
My double sided ornamentsandcards are 50% off until midnight if you use the code “SUPERFUNDEAL” at checkout.
Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-awesome:
Shit that I’m vaguely involved with on the internets:
• Kick-ass stuff I pinned.

Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

• The entire Bible in one Facebook post. Guys…
Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:
• I think I found my new shower curtain.  This is a nice back-up though.

This week‘s wrap-up is brought to you by the fantastic Kelly Exeter at A Life Less Frantic. If 2014 hasn’t treated you very well, then her short and sweet little book Your Best Year Yetcan help turn things around for you in 2015.  She’s so confident of this, she’ll give you your money back if it doesn’t happen.  I bought a copy myself this afternoon and I’ve already underlined a few parts that I really needed to hear.  You should check it out here.

Shonda Rhimes is a screenwriter, director and television producer. She is the creator and showrunner of Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice and Scandal, and executive producer of the new drama How To Get Away With Murder.

This quote is from the commencement speech Rhimes gave at her alma mater Dartmouth earlier this year. I highly recommend you listen to the entire talk for more of her no-nonsense advice. Credit to the always-enlightening Brain Pickings for bringing it to my attention.

Positive quotes and mantras are obviously extremely popular at the moment (and duh, I’ve managed to build a whole website around them) but I try very hard to not just blindly preach the ‘follow your dreams’ rhetoric. As Rhimes puts so well, behind the decision to follow your bliss lies years of hard work, sacrifice, grit and determination. Talking about it accomplishes nothing.

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- Here’s a recent interview I did with Unearthed comics covering some interesting topics.

A few months ago I mentioned that my friend, Brooke Shaden, came to my house to shoot my portrait a series of portraits of me .  We climbed down into the nearby swamp and I dressed up in a bunch of thrift store clothes that wouldn’t even zip up over my chest and I only fell into the swamp twice.  And we climbed trees and baffled hikers and laughed, and Victor and Hailey and Mailewere there to help and it was amazing.

It was especially wonderful because I’ve been putting this photo session off for over a year because my anxiety disorder makes me continually postpone trips since I hate to travel and finally Brooke just said, “You’re weird.  I’m coming to you.”  I’m paraphrasing.  She said it much nicer.  But she understood.

She wandered through my house before the shoot and I had to explain my propensity for collecting the empty bird cages that hang all over my house.  They’re old and battered, but beautiful and unique, and I explained that whenever I get too overwhelmed I picture myself tucked behind those same bars…safe from worry and people and the terror of real life.  In some ways my house has become my own little cage…one that I love, but one that I retreat to perhaps more than a “normal” person might say is healthy.  I told Brooke that I feel bad about turning down so many meetings and trips and opportunities that some people would kill for but that I know that sometimes saying “no” is the only way to protect myself from the exhaustion that comes afterward.  But I still push myself out of my cage when I can.  Sometimes it’s just a few steps.  Sometimes I fly.  Sometimes I fall.  Mostly I sit inside and quietly watch, but that gives me the opportunity to view and study human nature in a way few get to observe.  It gives me insight and it helps me be a better writer and (I hope) a better person.

And then Brooke looked at my favorite birdcage thoughtfully and nodded to herself and began taking it apart to drag  bring it into the swamp with us because she had a vision.  I didn’t entirely know what she was doing, but I went with it.

(Behind the scenes, by Maile Wilson)

And today Brooke sent me my portrait.

It’s me, as the Blue (in everysense of the word) Bird of Happiness.

I love it.

Sometimes cages can be surprisingly freeing.

PS. I just looked up “bluebird behavior” and turns out that they’re usually timid, gentle and unaggressive, unless you cross them and then they will cut you.It’s sort of scary just how accurate that is.

PPS.  In the morning I’m going to see the surgeon about removing that Who in my stomach. Wish me luck.

UPDATED:  Surgery will be Friday.  Robots will be involved.  More later…